the night i ate the worm

(For the tune, think of something similar to Johnny Cash's "A Boy Named Sue")


The night that I turned twenty-one
My friends set out to have some fun
By wreaking awful havoc on my pride
At first it didn’t bother me at all
When I saw they’d bought me alcohol
But little did I know what lay inside

To rousing cheers and hands a-clappin
I started to remove the wrappin
And what I said brought smiles to everyone
“Hey, I’m not one to pick n choose
but ain’t somethin floatin in that booze?”
and so my night of hell it had begun

For I’ve been legless, I’ve been pissed
I’ve been known to raise my wrist
And there’s one thing I know I can confirm
All night sessions, I’ve had plenty
You could say I’ve had one too many
But I’ve never been that drunk before the night I ate the worm

Now down there in ol’ Mexico
They got funny customs don’t ya know
Like eatin chilli peppers when they’re raw
But I can’t think of nothin sicker
Than dead inverterbrates in liquor
It’s gotta be against some kinda law

But I couldn’t stall for any longer
My will sure wouldn’t get any stronger
It was nothin like I’d ever tried before
So I knocked him back and then just for fun
I stuck that sucker out on my tongue
At least I wasn’t first to hit the floor

Though I’ve been legless, I’ve been pissed
I’ve been known to raise my wrist
One memory will always make me squirm
All night sessions, I’ve had plenty
You could say I’ve had one too many
But I’ve never been that drunk before the night I ate the worm

It was four a.m., or was it three
I was face down on someone’s settee
With aches all over I could not ignore
And the only answer to my pain
Was to find the nearest porcelain
And work out which way round would help me more

And my one wish it was to throttle
Whoever thought to buy that bottle
For the consequences could not be believed
And it was only then I realized
The throbbin right behind my eyes
Was the real birthday present I’d received

For I’ve been legless, I’ve been pissed
I’ve been known to raise my wrist
And there’s one thing I know I can confirm
All night sessions, I’ve had plenty
You could say I’ve had one too many
But I’ve never been that drunk before the night I ate the worm

© JL Pagano 1995

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