major-ette

As I sat nervously on the barstool last night, all I could think to do was fix my gaze on my mobile phone as though there was some kind of life-changing text message printed there on the screen.

I used to joke about those bars back in the Wild West where a stranger would walk through the doors causing everyone to stop and stare – here I was right smack in the middle of the modern day version.

Even the cigarette smoke emanating from the table in the corner, where the only other patrons were sitting, seemed to be frozen in mid-air.

"Can I help you there?" asked the barman with a quizzical brow.

"Er, yes, er, pint of…"

I suddenly realised how important this decision would be. Luckily, in the mirror behind the bar, I could just about make out that the three guys at the table were all drinking pints of J Arthur's finest.

"...Guinness, please."

The barman seemed to approve of my choice, and he proceeded to put on a pint for me. He then came out from behind the bar and went to speak to the lads.

After a brief exchange, one of them came over to me. He had a bit of an odour about him.

"You a tourist?" he queried.

"Uh, no, I'm from right here in Dublin."

"I see – it's just that we don't get many strangers in here."

"Ah, yeah – well I'm hoping to meet someone in particular – maybe you know him, a chap called Twenty Major?"

The stinky fellow's eyes widened at the mention of the name, and what muttering was going on amongst the others suddenly stopped.

"How EXACTLY do YOU know Twenty?"

"Well, er, I read his blog quite a bit, and I sent him a message last week asking him if I could meet him here at Ron's, you know, to congratulate him on his new book and all? And maybe I could even give him a plug on my own site for good measure?"

"Oh yeah? And did he reply to this…message?"

"Yes, he did actually, straight away, so here I am."

With that, one of the other lads from the table chipped in. He sounded like a bit of a bollix.

"You mean to say he ACTUALLY invited you here?"

"He sure did," I replied confidently, "He even told me when to come along!"

They looked at each other with bewilderment, so I figured I should elaborate…

"Let's see…what were his precise words…oh yeah, he said 'See You Next Tuesday'!!! But he kind of used, you know, the text message abbreviations?"

For some reason the boys all found that to be the funniest thing they'd ever heard, but at least they stopped staring and let me stay – I was even allowed to get in a round for them all once the laughter died down.

And so we sat there for a while and they told me a few funny stories – but I started to feel a bit nervous about their Italian colleague, who although he sounded very lucky didn't seem all too friendly, so when I finished my pint I made my excuses and left.

Unfortunately, I never actually got to meet the man himself, so all I can do is hope my best wishes were passed on to him by the lads.